Howard and I took on technology and relationships in this week’s Perpetual Post. Read his side too, it’s fantastic.
———————
As I type this, my boyfriend is on the couch, napping blissfully, his Blackberry nestled to his chest. I remember the distant days when I was the one who nestled there, my head resting lovingly against his shoulder, but apparently because I don’t vibrate like a buzz saw every ten minutes to let him know that he’s gotten an email from Sears.com with great deals for Fall savings, he’s traded up.
I remember when it was my shrill, piercing voice that delighted him, but no more. I’ve lost my favored status, displaced by a small, rectangular device that beeps incessantly at the most inopportune times—most of which are apparently no longer inopportune! God help me if I should turn to him while he’s engrossed in an episode of Two and a Half Men and say, “I forgot to tell you about this lady I saw in the Food Lion today who was wearing hilarious pants”—I would be judiciously shushed! But Blackberry gets to say whatever it’s thinking any time it wants! Blackberry can do no wrong! No matter what he’s in the middle of, no moment is too important to be interrupted by a text message from his Blackberry letting him know that 90% of American currency has tested positive for trace amounts of cocaine, according to CNN.com.
Should I be providing better content? Were I to turn to him while he’s watching TV and say, “MEEEP Thursday’s forecast calls for morning clouds with a chance of afternoon thundershowers,” would he smile receptively, or nod with interest? I doubt it. I also don’t see what’s so useful about the real-time updates his Blackberry provides on sports games and breaking news, when the information I provide is also in real-time—and personalized! Does his precious Blackberry nag him when he forgets to give the dog his heartworm medicine? Does it remind him that it’s unattractive to drink soda straight from the bottle and then just put it back in the fridge? Does his Blackberry’s angry rattle encourage him to start dinner right away because I’m going to be hungry when I get home?
All right, I know when I’m beat. It’s time for me to take this to the next level, before he realizes that when his Blackberry never has morning breath, steals the covers, or mocks his love of Entourage. So what do I have to do to win him back? Offer my services for a better monthly rate? Remind him of the convenience of his no-initial-fee, no-obligation contract with me? Ok, maybe there was an initial fee to join me, but I’m sure he’d say it was worth it. Or would he? After all, I can’t think of any new features I’ve added in the last few years, aside from a new haircut, or any upgrades to speak of—unless you count going up a pants size. Which I do. Possibly it’s time to fight fire with fire…or water. My boyfriend’s Blackberry does seem to be getting a little smudged, due to his constant, loving caresses and attention. Perhaps it needs a bath.
Tags: Blackberry, Boyfriend, Technology
September 1, 2009 at 7:54 am |
[...] Girlfriend vs. Blackberry « I Heard Tell mollyschoemann.com/2009/09/01/girlfriend-vs-blackberry – view page – cached #I Heard Tell RSS Feed I Heard Tell Atom Feed I Heard Tell » Girlfriend vs. Blackberry Comments Feed I Heard Tell Hello world! Bye U-D — From the page [...]
September 1, 2009 at 2:03 pm |
[...] Check it out at this link Please Share With A Friend! [...]
September 1, 2009 at 6:50 pm |
It’s “BlackBerry” and “BlackBerry smartphones” =).
September 1, 2009 at 10:35 pm |
Noooooooooo!
September 1, 2009 at 11:47 pm |
[...] This post was Twitted by Paulippolitov [...]
September 2, 2009 at 2:17 pm |
Saw this link from a BlackBerry site, and just had to go and read it. I have to say I feel your pain (or humor)! Well said, well written, and well done for maintaining sanity!
September 2, 2009 at 2:17 pm |
Forgot to say…shall we head to the mall for a bit of retail therapy then!
September 2, 2009 at 10:44 pm |
Love this article! I actually forwarded it to my ex-girlfriend, yes she too hated how much I was always on my Blackberry and computer researching my Blackberry.
September 2, 2009 at 11:19 pm |
Haha, love the post…one of my past girlfriends sometimes felt like that. She would get annoyed when I would (unconsciously of-course), whip out my Blackberry to check an Email or Txt Msg. I never did it in a rude or consistently annoying way…but from time to time I did do some “Blackberry time” when I shouldn’t have.
But I always exercise moderation w/ my Blackberry when I’m with anyone since I respect that their taking time to spend w/ me, and I should return the favor.
On a side note, we men feel the same way when you ladies see a sale at a show or clothing store
haha
I once tried to ask my current girlfriend last Year a question when she was trying to get a shoe on sale in her size…I regret it to this day
September 3, 2009 at 3:40 pm |
[...] hold your BlackBerry in high favor. However, it can sometimes go too far. Such is the case of Molly Schoemann’s boyfriend. At least Molly is taking it in stride, composing a humorous piece on her battles with her [...]
September 3, 2009 at 9:02 pm |
[...] Girlfriend vs. Blackberry « I Heard Tell [...]
September 4, 2009 at 10:14 am |
[...] and while I’m on the subject you might like Molly Schoemann’s post: Girlfriends vs Blackberry Tags: Blackberry, Mobile View commentsComments blog comments powered by Disqus var [...]
September 4, 2009 at 1:28 pm |
My wife was feeling the same way you are. I understand what you are going through but you have to remember its an addiction, just like anything else. I solved the problem by buying my wife a Blackberry Smartphone. Now she is addicted and never bothers me anymore.
Problem Solved.
September 4, 2009 at 5:12 pm |
[...] La gente de Berryreview lo consiguió y de verdad quisiera compartirlo con ustedes, el texto estaba en inglés y yo mismo lo traduje para mantenerlo lo más parecido al original que lo pueden conseguir en este blog llamado I Heard Tell: [...]
November 21, 2009 at 3:09 pm |
I wonder if it’s worth holding on until next year and seeing what more developments there are.
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December 22, 2010 at 2:10 pm |
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