I’ve been thinking about food more often than usual lately, probably since I’ve been spending a lot of time in the cafeteria the last few weeks. It may be senior year phenomenon, because I’ve noticed many of my senior friends doing the same thing. Perhaps it’s because we’ve discovered that sitting in the cafeteria for hours at a time is far easier than doing almost anything else, except maybe for lying down in the cafeteria. In fact, if you’re reading this column in the cafeteria, stop and look around, I’m probably here somewhere. Please don’t wave, because I probably won’t like that.
The cafeteria is a great place to be to feel productive without actually being productive. I’m drinking juice, you can think. I’m hydrating my body. Now I’m getting up to get more juice. I’m exercising. Now I’m elbowing people out of the way to get to the wing bar, which is also exercise. Man, remember exercise?
College has definitely put a strain on my relationship with my body. I alternate between treating it like a temple and treating it like a gas station bathroom. It never knows what to expect from me anymore; one day I’ll eat vegetables at every meal and drink eight glasses of water, and the next day I’ll eat an entire avocado in one sitting, wash it down with peanut butter cookies and jug wine and call it dinner.
Last week I woke up at five in the morning and was so thirsty that I almost drank applesauce. It was either that or warm Bud Light (which had most likely already contributed in part to my great thirst). At least I’ve gotten better at eating less junk food. If you are what you eat, then freshman year I was the vending machine in the campus center.
I tend to become obsessed with certain foods the way normal people have crushes; this week it’s avocados. Ooh, they’re so good. I was slightly ashamed the other day when my friend used my computer and discovered that I’d been to Avocado.org, even though I was only there for the articles. Actually I’m rather proud of my avocado obsession, because at least they’re relatively good for you (or so say the good people at Avocado.org. They’re high in fat, but it’s ‘good’ fat. I don’t really care what that means.)
I usually just get crushes on bad foods, the ones with no nutritional value that attract you with bright wrappers that say ‘Now Even More Great Chocolatey Taste’ (can there ever be enough great chocolatey taste?). These foods make you fall for them and then treat you badly, only to leave you for your best friend and get her pregnant. Don’t tell me that hasn’t happened to you.
I Heard Tell 