It’s 4am the morning after Thanksgiving.  Your system is still processing copious amounts of sausage stuffing and green bean casserole.  You are what you eat, and right now you are 85% turkey and cranberry relish.  Or Lean Cuisine and despair.  Or Pinot Grigio and paralyzing rage at your insane family.

In any event, to me the idea of getting out of bed and hitting an outlet store at some dark, unGodly hour of the morning after Thanksgiving is extremely unappealing, no matter how many things are 40% off with limited stock.  Is the idea supposed to be that you’ve just given thanks for everything you are lucky enough to have– now it’s time to go buy whatever stuff you’re missing?

Apparently people have been lining up outside of department stores FOR DAYS waiting for these sales.  If I were a cult leader looking for a fanatical following of people who desperately need something to live for, I would feel like a kid in a candy store, if lonely people were candy.  (They would probably be Mary Jane candies.  Remember those retro-looking candies that elderly people gave out on Halloween?  If you go to the Mary Jane  website, it is full of stories of children who grew up extremely poor in rural America and once a year they got to eat Mary Jane candies.  And that was their best childhood memory.  Um…I’m sorry I went to that website.)

Ahem.  I suppose my basic point is, I hate getting up early, particularly the day after eating my body weight in home cooking, and drinking until I enjoy togetherness.  I also don’t have the money to go shopping right now, so 40% off doesn’t help me much, unless it makes something Free.  And I’m not great at math, but I’m pretty sure that is not within the realm of possibility.  Also, if anything were free, it was probably snapped up by someone who’s been camping outside Best Buy for a solid week.  And I don’t begrudge it to them, because they probably need it more than I do.