President Elect Obama assured an anxious country that he was “just going around the corner to pick up some cigarettes,” during a press conference this afternoon in Washington.  Obama is about to assume the duties of Commander in Chief during one of the most devastatingly difficult periods in American history.

“Nation, I will right back,” he said, glancing around.  “I am honored to have been chosen to lead this country, which is almost tragically unrecognizable from the America which my predecessor vowed to serve eight years ago, or even from the America which I myself vowed to serve two years ago.”

Obama added, “We are in the midst of the worst economic and housing crisis in 80 years.  Our healthcare system is on the verge of collapse, and our military is growing increasingly weak and overburdened.  I am very eager to take full responsibility for getting our nation back on the right track, and to begin correcting the criminal and unjust wrongs of so many who were in power during the previous administration.”

In closing, Obama said, “I’ll just be a minute.  You wait right here.”