Because every damn time I signed on to Facebook, my feed went like this:
[Girl you found distasteful in high school]: Has posted pictures from her wedding!
Click here to view her photos, while wondering if perhaps you misjudged her, back in the day. Find photos distasteful, even for wedding photos. Feel slightly depressed, if also vindicated.
[Person you barely talk to who lives in a different city]: Is home from work!
[Guy you had several ill-advised hookups with three years ago]: Has compared you to his other friends!
Click here if you find this somehow enraging. Click around some more, trying to figure out whom you have been compared with, but give up after a few minutes. Feel somehow violated.
[Girl you know through an ex-boyfriend]: Is a fan of “Bill Withers”.
[Person you barely talk to who lives in a different city]: Is cooking dinner!
[Girl you were good friends with in 7th grade and haven’t talked to since then]: Has sent you a friend request!
Click here to accept her request with enthusiasm.
Click here to send a message to this girl, summarizing what you have been up to for the last fifteen years, and asking what she is up to in return. Wait weeks, but never receive a response. Wonder why you even bothered. Feel slightly irritated every time you notice that she is constantly on Facebook.
[Person you barely talk to who lives in a different city]: Hates morning commutes!
[Ex Boyfriend you are no longer in touch with]: Has left a comment on the photo of [some girl you don’t know].
Click here, despite your better judgment, to read the comment and look at the photo of the girl, so you can see if she is prettier than you. Decide that she looks kind of dull and is probably not as funny as you either. Wonder why you even care? Feel animosity towards Ex Boyfriend for no definable reason.
[Girl you like but haven’t talked to in years]: Has thrown an apple at you!
Click here to pointlessly ‘throw’ a random object back at her in lieu of meaningful communication.
[Person you barely talk to who lives in a different city]: Is listening to a great album!
[Hipster you are vaguely acquainted with and were always a little scornful of]: Has posted pictures from the album “Amazing Wild New Year’s Blowout Party that was Full of Sexy Hipsters Who Are Cooler than You”.
Click here to view the album. Judge all of the people in it because they are mugging at the camera and attempting to look sexy. Also, everyone is drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and wearing trucker hats. Tell yourself you would rather have spent New Year’s Eve at home on your couch, which is good because that’s what happened. Feel slightly bad about yourself for unexplainable reason.
[Person you barely talk to who lives in a different city]: Is a fan of “Pastrami”.
Click here if you are also a fan of “Pastrami”, because the zany, eclectic things we express fondness for help define us to others.
[Random dude you worked with two jobs ago]: Has given you a Martini!
Click here to ‘give’ a ‘drink’ to [Random Dude you worked with two jobs ago], because that constitutes rewarding social interaction or something.
[Person you barely talk to who lives in a different city]: Loves Grey’s Anatomy!
[Girl whom you vaguely recall got married right out of college]: Is now listed as ‘Single’.
Feel overwhelmingly curious and slightly appalled that this information was posted on Facebook and now as a result you are pointlessly aware of it.
[Girl who you shared some classes with in college]: Has tagged herself in a photo!
Click here to view the photo and note that while it is flattering, it also looks very little like how you remember the girl actually looking.
[Person you barely talk to who lives in a different city]: Is hungry!
[Person you don’t know]: Has left a comment on the status of [Girl whom you vaguely recall got married right out of college and is now apparently single]: “Hey! What happened?”
Feel even more appalled that someone would publicly post a brief, impersonal question like that; do they really expect an answer? Well, maybe. After all, what does [Girl who used to be married] expect, after announcing her singleness on Facebook? Begin feeling ill about the whole scenario.
[Guy you are vaguely acquainted with]: is listed as “In a Relationship” with [Girl you have met twice].
Feel faintly surprised at the match, but mostly indifferent. Wonder how [Guy] and [Girl] decided that their relationship had reached the critical “Change Your Facebook Status” level. Speculate as to whether they discussed whether or not to change their Facebook statuses at the same time, and, if not, wonder which of them did it first, and if the one who did it first worried that the other one would feel that it had been done prematurely. Feel slightly depressed by this train of thought.
[Guy you were close to in college but haven’t seen in five years]: Has sent you an invitation!
Click here for details on this invitation to “An Awesome Show I’m in that is Happening in a City You Haven’t Lived in Since 1999.”
Feel flattered by the invitation, but also confused. You’re probably not going to hop on a plane to see the show of a friend you haven’t spoken with since college. But you still feel too guilty to respond to the invitation with a “No”, so you absurdly put “Maybe”.
[Person you barely talk to who lives in a different city]: is beginning to depress you with their constant updates.
Click here to scan through your Facebook friends and realize that very few of them represent actual, current friendships or even associations that you remotely value. In fact your list of contacts feels like an eerie social graveyard of expired friendships, badly ended relationships, and vague, past acquaintances you care very little about. Begin to feel depressed by the fact that so many people have passed in and out of your life without leaving much of an impression on you. Wonder how a website that is so meaningless, vacuous and shallow has become so overwhelmingly popular (particularly with younger generations), and what that means about how we view social interaction today and the direction in which it is going.
Pour yourself a real, actual drink. Note that you have a closer relationship with Jim Beam than with most of your so-called Facebook friends.
January 1, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Hey, I’ve got a show on Thursday. You gonna be there?
January 1, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Sure, if it’s in Garner, NC!
January 1, 2009 at 11:51 pm
*snorfle* This is amazing and totally filled with truth!! I’ll be linking around to this one.
January 2, 2009 at 1:21 am
Yeah, that pretty much sums up Facebook and the resulting emotional ridiculousness. 🙂
January 2, 2009 at 2:18 am
Show’s in Chelsea at West 29th and 8th ave. 10pm. Let me know if you’d like to grab a bite beforehand. Otherwise I’ll just catch you there.
January 2, 2009 at 2:20 am
You can pick me up at LaGuardia at 8:30!
January 2, 2009 at 2:20 am
But I may not leave Facebook this early coz I just registered a couple of weeks ago. And in there I found the account of my cousin who left Friendster where we used to communicate and share photos.
By the way, thanks for commenting in my blog re: The best and worst websites for 2008.
This blog’s a good one, Im bookmarking it!
January 2, 2009 at 2:23 am
Hey thanks! I liked yours too!
Let’s be Facebook friends!
j/k j/k lol
January 2, 2009 at 4:57 am
Molly. No one wears trucker hats anymore.
January 2, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Oh, sure, crush my dreams.
January 2, 2009 at 3:49 pm
[person you never much liked in college] has posted pictures from their album “[exotic vacation destination].”
feel bad because you can’t afford such things. Think about what a failure you are. attempt to summon righteous marxist anger. fail. feel sad.
January 2, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Oh jeez, exactly.
Also, [Person you went to High School with]: Has posted pictures of their four beautiful children!
Feel conflicted because you are nowhere near having children. Wonder if this is good or bad. Settle for simply wishing you’d never seen those pictures.
January 2, 2009 at 5:46 pm
You should send this to McSweeney’s. Once you edit out the bit about tucker hats though–Adam is right, you plebe.
January 2, 2009 at 5:47 pm
January 2, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Ok, what should I put instead? Burger King crowns? Enquiring squares want to know.
January 2, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Hey! This is an awesome post, and quite funny! I agree with the idea of a McSweeney’s submission.
I hate to come off like a turd though… but… I had been in that position. Overwhelmed with information I didn’t care about, and couldn’t respond to. Or frustrated with postings that were irrelevant yet perturbing. But I quickly started using the “Show More / Less about [person who posts useless crap on Facebook] feature of the news feed, and within a week, was getting information about people I truly cared about.
So, I mean, just a thought. Especially with Facebook Connect now taking over the internet.
Great post non the less!
January 2, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Substitute “McSweeney writers” for “people in trucker hats.”
Fantastic piece. I ❤ it and thus you [substituting for the months and conversations it takes to meaningfully know someone].
In all earnestness, would love to have you on my show (http://subvert.com requires no travel from home).
If you’re interested please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org since you can’t message me on facebook any more.
January 2, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Ha! How about asymmetrical haircuts? Do people still have those?
January 2, 2009 at 10:46 pm
You took the words right out of my mouth. I think all of these things whenever I log in. Why in the hell do I have facebook?!
January 3, 2009 at 12:01 am
/throws a sheep at you.
Just kidding. I agree – I use Facebook only to talk with people directly via comments & walls. I kind of ignore the rest of the stream and rarely add applications. As a result, I can’t throw snowballs or sheep, but I don’t have homepage that requires visitors (if I had them) to scroll for a half an hour before being able to converse with me on my wall.
January 3, 2009 at 12:41 am
Hmm. Everything in life has a shelf life.. Facebook too…
January 3, 2009 at 3:15 am
This post is spot f***ing on. I have been avoiding fb for the last 6 months just because of this. Facebook is gossip book and I don’t care what some idiot 70 degrees apart from me is doing.
January 3, 2009 at 4:40 am
Well. You’re a stronger person than I.
January 3, 2009 at 3:08 pm
you’re on your own.
January 3, 2009 at 3:29 pm
I knew there was a reason we hadn’t talked in 5 years!
Half Assed Kitchen
January 3, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Click link you found on Twitter from the blog of someone you don’t know. Read about how she interacts with Facebook. Find it hilarious. Wish you’d written it yourself. Feel vaguely disgusted with yourself for not having thought of it. Add new blog to your Google reader.
Guy who's life looks cooler than yours on facebook but really isn't.
January 3, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Couldn’t put my finger on why I was a little sad, now, I’m depressed.
January 3, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Hey, just glad I could help!
Half Assed Kitchen – your blog is awesome!
January 3, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Molly, this is so true. SO TRUE. Yet I just cannot leave facebook–yet. It is both an obsession and a compulsion.
Incidentally, I was mildly disturbed/intrigued a few weeks ago when I found out (a) my therapist had joined facebook and then (b) my mom had joined.
January 3, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Wow. No wonder you left. I think that younger generations can network with current friends because so many young people are on the site. If your facebook friendships are not current friendships then it’s a lot less fun. You captured that perfectly.
January 3, 2009 at 10:59 pm
this is absolutely hilarious and well written. thanks for the giggle and for keeping things in perspective. i too am going to stop wasting time on facebook, at least for the moment.
January 4, 2009 at 4:50 am
If you mocked this up to look like an actual Facebook news feed, it would also be a great CollegeHumor (or other) piece!
January 4, 2009 at 8:39 am
How about those super-short-bangs-with-long-hair dealies? I see those everywhere now and they’re wicked ugly.
January 5, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Molly, this is outstanding. Some of the best commentary on Facebook I’ve read – extremely honest, funny, and entertaining. Please keep it up!
January 5, 2009 at 8:15 pm
But I don’t want to deprive myself of the pleasure of rejecting friend requests from ex-boyfriends and people I haven’t seen in years and never much cared for in the first place.
p.s. Ben Sisto, you keep inviting me to events in a city I haven’t lived in since 1999.
p.p.s. I know, I need to come visit.
January 5, 2009 at 8:43 pm
So very true! Awesome blog… a great find!
January 6, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Log on to facebook after being offline for three days because you’ve had the flu and discover that you have been sent 32 (Lil) Green Patch plants and 23 (Lil) Blue Cove fish by people like the retired victims advocate you know from an online parents group but have never met in person and the bartender from a restaurant you hung out in once but that’s been closed for 10 years. Spend 1 hour annoying the girl you used to babysit 25 years ago and a guy your gay friend in college hooked up with once with similar plants and fish to get rid of all those requests. Feel guilty for wasting an hour fiddling with these applications when you could have spent talking to your daughter.
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January 7, 2009 at 8:53 pm
this was pretty funny. and actually 100 percent true lol. most of my friends on facebook are pretty much what you described lol, except im still a teenager but the concept is still great, good look =]
January 7, 2009 at 9:02 pm
Hey Anna, thanks for the comment! Sorry we can’t be facebook friends =)
January 7, 2009 at 10:05 pm
[Person we went to high school with, who now has children] still hasn’t accepted my friend request!! sigh. maybe i’m better off without the ability to stalk her… and her children.
January 8, 2009 at 5:35 am
Now I want to leave Facebook. Again.
January 8, 2009 at 8:15 pm
FWIW i’ve created a friend list with my closest friends (about 20 people). I often switch to show just that group in my feed. one simple switch and i avoid all this noise you hilariously referenced.
Isabel Joely Black
January 8, 2009 at 8:28 pm
That is so incredibly true.
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January 8, 2009 at 8:44 pm
I think you can just ignore the noise, as you do for spam and telemarketers. If you keep these things to a limit, you can use it for its original purpose. http://wrathfulindifference.com/2009/01/08/in-defense-of-facebook/
January 8, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Viv – trust me, you are better off not knowing…
Zoe– do it! I haven’t looked back. And I have a lot of free time now during which I could do so, but still haven’t.
Baratunde– that’s probably a good idea, although i think my list of people I cared about hovered at about 5.
Isabel — Thanks!
Blaise– Good point, that’s kind of what I ended up doing, only on Myspace, which I find less intrusive, although it certainly has its own problems…
Thanks for your comments, everyone!
January 8, 2009 at 9:37 pm
So tart and true! However, instead of deleting my account (and possibly unintentionally hurting people) I learned to just ignore mine. Like turning off the TV or your speakers, it can’t speak to you if you’re not listening. Maybe in 2010, I take a peek 😉
January 8, 2009 at 9:38 pm
ahem, that’s: *I’ll* take a peek.
January 8, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Haha… when I get an event invite ro something ridiculous I’m not going to, instead of clicking “no” or “maybe” I just say remove this from my events 😉
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January 10, 2009 at 5:59 am
You made me laugh. You made me think. I like that in a blog. Off to go hit the RSS button now.
January 10, 2009 at 5:50 pm
I have been trying to explain to people why I have been avoiding Facebook for the last year. I am amazed at who and how many people are on this plateform!
Your post was spot on at how I’d been feeling about it all. I use to belong to myspace and figured out it was just blogging with training wheels so I left and pursed other blogging avenues. Still working on that side of the equation but am proud to say I am a facebook virgin and shall remain one…besides I’m waiting for the bigger, better thing to pop along!
January 11, 2009 at 7:51 am
Facebook hasn’t gotten me to immerse a toenail yet. The thing is just creepy. The web two point o bag force morphs into a dinging sheep collar for unending waves of finger-clutching wannabees. I’m a digital freak so don’t fucking label me billybob hillbean but the energy required to work at being human velcro on the big sticky makes me want to capture fart gas and sell it to the clowns.
This article is genuinely a cool piece of writing. Thanks to Violet Blue for the hook. Blogs fucking rule!! I now own this link and will return for more eyesmack. Hit me hard baby!
January 11, 2009 at 9:11 pm
[close friend’s mother who is a friend of your parents, but not really YOUR friend] has sent you a friend request.
Now what do i do about that? I don’t really want my friend’s mom looking at all my crazy pictures and seeing what garbage people write on my wall. It’s just weird. But she is already friends with at least 5 of my close friends, so rejecting the invitation wouldn’t do much. And she would totally notice if I did, because she has approximately 10 total friends on facebook.
Anyway – just stumbled on this post and it is so spot on!! I hate facebook, but it’s kind of like a train wreck.
Laid Back Mom
January 12, 2009 at 4:48 am
Molly, I couldn’t agree with you more. I just joined Facebook 10 days ago and I’m already asking myself if I did the right thing. Why would I want my mind to be occupied with trivial details “so-called friends” post on their walls! I have better things to do!
January 12, 2009 at 11:35 pm
I think hipsters are down with wearing fedoras now, or at least that was the last thing I recall it progressing to, braver souls could venture to that cobra snake website for a double portion viewing of hipsterdom.
January 14, 2009 at 5:29 am
January 14, 2009 at 6:08 am
Molly, once again you hit the nail on the head! Brilliant!
January 16, 2009 at 6:23 pm
I just joined FB about 8 weeks ago. I have been thinking many of these same things. Thanks for putting it together in a wittier and more interesting way than my mind did. A funny read!
Lisa Marie Mary
January 17, 2009 at 11:33 pm
This is absolutely hysterical! Especially the part about the newly-coupled couple, deciding to change their Facebook status – too funny! Made me LOL, making me LOL again just typing about it – my 15yr old came over to see what the heck I was laughing about. Ha! He’s only on Myspace, though, and he’s only 15 – so I’m sure he couldn’t truly appreciate it!
But I completely loved it! You beautifully and accurately verbalized (typalized?) the feelings so many of us have experienced when making all these goofy connections!
January 28, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Haha! I really enjoyed this post; it is very accurate. I love the mystified look that one receives on repeating “I’m off Facebook for good.”
January 31, 2009 at 4:28 pm
i left facebook just 15 minutes ago – was wondering if i did the right thing -and came across your wonderful article. it was just wasting too much of my time. trying to be friends with people i did not really know and being fed non-essential information about people i did not really know, when i could spend that time connecting with people who actually need my time.
February 1, 2009 at 2:08 am
That is so funny. Sad, but true. Unfortunately, although I have ignored all invitations to throw mad cows at those who poked me, I’m still addicted enough to stalking my former friends that I can’t bring myself to leave it.
Besides – my parents just joined, and I’m their only friend. 🙂
February 6, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Great observations! There are certain ways Facebook functions for me; one of those is sharing photos with serious AND not-so-serious friends in an easy way. I can post those knowing I’m not shoving them in their face and demanding they look and look NOW. I really do hate the “Sally is eating breakfast” type updates. Yawn. And please substitute “knit caps” for “trucker hats”..just a personal bug-bear.If you don’t want to ‘friend’ somebody, simply don’t reply. It’s that easy. I’ve never sent a “gift” a “drink”, “poked” anyone, taken those “if you were an insect, which insect would you be?” quizzes, or any of that folderol. I have 36 “friends”. I have good friends I wouldn’t even consider asking to “friend” me, since I see them on a regular basis.
February 8, 2009 at 7:05 am
Oh, you just put it all into words for me. FB has been good in some ways, makes some things about communicating with good friends easier, but I have been having more and more and more negative feelings about it and haven’t been able to pinpoint just why….but now you did. Funny and true. Thanks.
February 21, 2009 at 12:31 am
i think the funniest thing about your post on why you left/hate facebook…is the fact that so many people then posted comments and then you respondend…lol…i’m sorry..am i the only one that gets the irony?
there are people that have real lives and real relationships, but find that it’s also fun to stay in touch with past friends/co-workers or even long-distance relatives…that you know, you’re not really gonna call them up and chat for 5-10 minutes a day, but it’s fun to see a blurb about them or watch a funny video they sent you or reminisce over an old photo. why does everything have to be so extreme? why can’t you have real meaningful relationships in real life with a small group of really close friends and then just have some casual acquaintances with people you know on facebook?
there’s allot of people that i’m “friends” with on facebook that i simply would not have the time to get together with on a regular basis (or at all in the case of friends that are out of state). just like you think facebook is shallow and a waste of time, isn’t keeping a blog on a public site sort of the same thing? do you really think people care about what you say?
other than that…your article was really funny…got to it via comments on an msnbc.com article. i laughed….but seriously…lighten up…life’s too short to go out of your way to comment on how shallow an internet social networking site is on an internet blog 😀 😀
February 21, 2009 at 2:59 am
Great post! So true! I deleted mine for some of the very same reasons!
February 21, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Many of you may say I can’t post an opinion about something I’ve never done, but this is specifically the reason I haven’t joined Facebook. I don’t care to know what’s going on in the lives of people I don’t REALLY know, and don’t care for them to know what’s going on in mine! Also, even worse, is that I have found that I have lost touch with a lot of my good friends who live farther away but with whom I corresponded with regularly via e-mail, because they are now on Facebook and I’m not! THAT is ridiculous!!!
February 21, 2009 at 7:31 pm
[Used to be college friends posts pics of them all having fun] feel gulity about leaving college and broken friendships. pours himself a beer. proceeds to drink alone.
[girl you liked in middle school looks really good her in her pics] thinks about 6 years of missed oppurtunities of possibly befriending her. gets depressed. sees said girl at library months later, girl says hi.
[sees asshole guy in high school on the “people you may know” list] .requests to be his friend. asshole acceps request. later regrets having made contact with the asshole from HS. Awkward.
[sends friend request to girl you liked in high school (and liked you too), says hi…..girl rejects friend request] Gets depressed.
–After all the very awkward interactions (or lack of), proceeds to log off facebook and never log on again hopefully for a very long time, it’s just better that way. Proceeds to welcome himself to the Real World Again and live life liek a real human being.
February 22, 2009 at 12:27 am
Jason Schade says it all. Unfortunately Jason, irony is lost on most people. Excellent response. Thanks for reading my mind.
February 23, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Hey, you don’t know me…I don’t know you, but I have NO doubt we’d have a fun chat over coffee! Hooray for blogs in bringing us closer to people with which we have things in common, or share a mutual interest!
Regarding Jason’s comment above:
The difference here is that though I don’t know you (as I mentioned above) I’ve “connected” to you via a shared-interest. In my opinion, this differs from Facebook in that our connection is based on a real-life, currently-shared interest and not a real-life, shared-coincidence of physical circumstances.
That said, I agree with Jason that Facebook is a nice way to keep up with people who do matter, but perhaps drifted out of touch. Unfortunately, the virtues of Facebook end there for me. I’ve deleted my account, as I became weary of the ever-increasing feeling of being nagged by bothersome applications and updates everytime I logged into the site.
February 23, 2009 at 6:08 pm
February 23, 2009 at 6:52 pm
I signed up on Facebook about a month ago and I regret it already–for all the reasons you mentioned plus all the people that keep getting suggested to me because I went to HS with them.
February 24, 2009 at 4:15 am
Molly, this is hilarious. Have you heard the song “Add me” by Chumbawumba? It’s darkly whimsical, and illustrates a similar point, I think.
December 3, 2009 at 2:20 am
I love this song…
February 24, 2009 at 4:54 am
I like to surf the net for news and don’t usually post but I have the pleasure of being deployed and have nothing better to do. With that said, I would like to point out that you say facebook is pointless, but having a blog is just as pointless as facebook.
February 25, 2009 at 6:26 pm
Who cares? If you don’t want a facebook, leave.
Stop bitching about it people.
March 9, 2009 at 4:20 am
Um, Sal, perhaps you have a giant fish head lodged in your skull. Your post shines as a living example of absolute zero worth.
March 20, 2009 at 8:04 am
Went to the zoo at the weekend. We saw elephants first and I had my pic taken with one. They have a strange smell. Ever smelt an elephant ?
After that it was on to the giraffes who made me laugh with their long, funny necks, arent they great ??
I know its been 17 years, but I think we should go to the zoo together. Its been on my mind a lot recently.
Lunch on me. I promise I wont get you anything pepparami. I can still see you being sick at your 12th birthday party after that boy made you eat some, knowing you had a severe allergy.
Those were the days eh ?
hmm … maybe I shouldnt have mentioned that one.
Anyway, I will get us tickets for the zoo today for next Saturday.
Talk soon !!
[throws a giraffe at Molly]
March 22, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Stephen, I LOVE your comment.
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April 24, 2009 at 10:05 pm
probably the best post I’ve read about facebook. Love Stephens comment too! awesome!
May 26, 2009 at 9:18 pm
I’m a hold-out. All I can see is getting sucked into a mire of inconsequential discussion from people I don’t really need to be in, my privacy being shared with the world- who my friends are, where I live, what I do…ahhh a stalkers paradise. And what about what I don’t want people to know..all the shhhh stuff from when I was younger (and even now…God help me…not only mom, but any potential employers will know! Creditors will find me! YIKES! ) Don’t post a pic of me with that bong!
June 7, 2009 at 6:06 am
Jason Schade: Yes, people really DO care what she says. Just look at all the comments here, including yours.
Jason Schade Says:
February 21, 2009 at 12:31 am | Reply
do you really think people care about what you say?
June 13, 2009 at 10:38 am
I left facebook *gasp* I got so over being sucked into reading the exact type of things you mentioned! Even worse, caught up with an old friend from high school.. found we had nothing in common anymore, bumped heads massively and ended up no longer being friends!!
Thanks facebook. I think that past friendships are past for a reason, and I really don’t need to go back!! I like my memories how they are. If you want to chat up with me, ring me!
person nobody knows
July 9, 2009 at 6:57 pm
ammused at how many people responded to this who proably dont know eachother… pot calling kettle…
September 4, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Facebook screws you up…. http://www.flickr.com/photos/jmelewis/3839068671/
Vantage Point Productions
September 13, 2009 at 6:32 am
Thank you so much for making me laugh. I have had so many problems with facebook, but never thought about it quite the way you presented it. Well done. Good stuff. Take care.
Vantage Point Productions
Vantage Point Productions
September 13, 2009 at 6:35 am
As I read through the comments, I just saw Stephen’s. I literally laughed out loud. Wow, I needed a good laugh tonight. Thanks to you all.
September 23, 2009 at 1:19 am
Very Nice- Thanks for writing on this.
I had a Facebook account for a while. Signed up because an old friend invited me, and I could not see what she posted without opening my own account- the web is supposed to be easier than that.
Some of the people I saw set up their page like one of those old Christmas card “newsletters”-
Bob has been promoted to VP of everything, the twins are in the gifted program (here is a recent professional photo- done at a private shoot), our oldest is studying in Europe again, Carol is our miracle worker- when she’s not heading up the board at the kid’s school she is raising a houseful of adorable purebred dogs (whichever kind are most popular this season).
Here is a photo of us in front of the chalet on our winter break vacation. Here we are on the boat we chartered in Mexico. Click here for archives of our most braggable vacation photos.
Here are plans for our winter place in New Mexico- we’ll spend our fist Christmas there next year…
Port Hadlock, WA
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October 17, 2009 at 11:20 am
Facebook is a pile of shit. Trust me I joined it when it was first limited to only Ivy league universities. When it was a basically a directory.
Do not share your data with this evil corporation. You can permanently delete your account by going to:
Do it now and welcome back to the real world with real friends who call you up in person to wish you happy birthday, not because a stupid email got sent to their inbox, and they want to network themselves like a dirty whores.
nobody needs facebook – its deisigned to appeal to your most fundamental desire – the need for popularity.
Remember its not how many friends you have, its the quality of those relationships that matter. Don’t believe the bullshit.
November 4, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Wow. This is an amazingly well-written and funny post that defines my thoughts exactly on Facebook (that I wouldn’t be able to give voice to as eloquently).
November 10, 2009 at 8:59 pm
I’ve always sworn I’ll never join Facebook/Myspace/whatever, because I work for a software company and spend all day at a computer as it is.
Still, I’ve gotten invites to Facebook from a half dozen people in the last few weeks and was seriously considering it, until I searched on the words “downside of facebook” and found your blog.
Thanks for confirming that I’ve been correct all along.
It’s a great post and as many others have said, REALLY funny.
December 3, 2009 at 2:10 am
Very, very, very good post, dear Molly. I found a link to your text somewhere on the internet, and I must admit I wrote a similar post a month or so ago. If you’re interested in reading it, you may head to this link: http://cubimension.net/blog/?p=443 Then again I’m just a stranger commenting in your blog with a link to his own, about something that enrages you. Still, does not hurt mentioning it! 🙂
I haven’t personally managed to unplug yet, and that is even more worrying. I do have a lot of friends on facebook I talk to often, but perhaps this is exactly a reason I should delete it? Sorry, I mean… deactivate it.
December 5, 2009 at 4:28 am
I absolute love this post. So true, all of it!! I left facebook for a few months temporarily to focus on my studies, and honestly I haven’t missed it a bit.
December 6, 2009 at 3:45 pm
[Ugly girl who wears circle lenses with high angle photo] sent you a poke.
December 16, 2009 at 7:38 pm
I love this post…so relatable.And, FB is making strange policy decisions in regards to user’s privacy-your name, gender and friend list is now public and you no longer have the option to make them private. I left yesterday and I’m glad I did.
December 18, 2009 at 5:46 am
Very insightful. I’ve always wondered: Facebook – ‘connecting people’? I guess in actual fact it makes ‘friendships’ a superficial thing.
December 23, 2009 at 11:08 am
I left facebook because of the policy changes to.. but was vexted after finding out i had only deactivated my account and they where storing my info and my profile was still up. it took about a week to find the tiny DELETE link that FB had grudgingly provided only then to discover they where going to hold my data for a further two weeks before deleting me? Did they think i did not know my own mind. Make sure you DELETE your account rather than DEACTIVATE. I worry that our data is being used for more sinister things. We are bing spied apon and our data harvested… creepy!!!!!
January 10, 2010 at 4:33 pm
The term hitting the nail on the head springs to mind upon reading your views / explanations. My time on facebook was spent sharing my views on the world. I gained new cyber friends and as you have explained, I rekindled failed friendships and threatened many times to meet these people for a drink to no avail as i couldnt be arsed. I went on a dissasterous date with a girl i met on facebook, im actually ashamed of myself that i fell into the facebook pit of shit. Like when i was younger and believed id never smoke, i was adamant that i would not venture into the black hole of social networking. Gladly i, like you saw sense and am now free to conjure up more usefull ways of spending an evening. Namely getting back to the gym, although i do believe an evenings worth of watering a puddle would be more constructive than ever going back to that shite. My last post on facebook was in relation to every girl posting the colour of their bras……. what a load of complete bull shit.
January 11, 2010 at 4:31 am
Love it! I left facebook July 09 for all those reasons. I’m glad to see so many other people feel the same way about it. Very well written 🙂
January 27, 2010 at 2:58 pm
Absolute genius! Had me chuckling throughout, with its dry wit and spot-on accuracy. Precisely why i left mid-2009 – great article. Echoing the above post, it is very encouraging to see there are other people aside from myself who feel the same way. Once again, great stuff
February 11, 2010 at 4:38 am
Just got a link to this today. As if you didn’t already know, you’re the shizzle, girl! One of the.best.things I’ve ever read regarding facebook.
Going now to subscribe…
February 14, 2010 at 6:25 pm
This post highlights everything I think about this sad place (FB). I joined last year – got stalked by a girl I used to date – experienced much of the above emotions you listed – permanently deleted my FB account – and have no intentions of ever rejoining. FB is mostly a complete and utter waste of time.
February 17, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Such a great post and the absolutely why I left. Now, when friends email me asking “what happened” I’ll send them this. Kudos to you from another former north-easterner living in NC!
February 21, 2010 at 12:56 am
I wholeheartedly agree with your original post, Molly. I find myself spending waaaaaay too much time dissecting the posts, pictures, and goings-on of all my “friends” on FB, many of whom I never see in real life. I feel myself drifting toward a life without FB, hopefully sooner rather than later.
March 17, 2010 at 7:26 am
It’s true that Facebook can be annoying sometimes. I know a girl who left Facebook because a bad picture of her (it was her first kegger and she was totally unprepared for it!) started to circulate. She’s a straight-A student who’s in her last semester in college and she’s applying for an MA at Columbia University. She was so worried that even after she left Facebook, the photo was still being circulated. It was starting to appear in blogs, too. She was concerned that Columbia University would discover this and not grant her admission and scholarship (which is based on not just intelligence but moral character). She went to http://www.reputation-technologies.com before she even proceeded to file her papers at Columbia. Reputation Technologies wiped away the bad stuff about her online. It helped her get some peace of mind and she got her scholarship, too.
April 3, 2010 at 6:05 pm
April 6, 2010 at 4:36 am
I totally agree with what Molly said. Facebook is too superficial and stupid thing that people pose their own photos that had from all over the world or some pics in bikini to brag their bodies or what they have been up to. You don’t really miss anything by not joining facebook. What you learn and read from facebook does not really say what you are really doing in your real life. People are just crazy to believe so just by looking those selective photos. I am going to leave facebook as well. I feel like I could have spent my time more meaningfully than spending time on facebook, having people telling me too much details about their lives. Why should I care? It’s totally crazy. I would rather be called as a social weirdo or outcast than stuck in the craziness of the facebook.
April 11, 2010 at 1:18 pm
Love ur blog! My hubby wants me to leave the social networking site! He said i’ll get Facebook Disease.Lol.
April 19, 2010 at 3:13 am
This is so true and made me laugh! I was looking thru FB now feeling a little empty, mindlessly going thru the whole [Mark became a fan of..] [Thomas and Jamie have joined the group..] Now there’s even [Josh’s Picture Of The Day] ! I can’t keep looking at these! I was sitting here feeling hurt someone told me they’d add me but they haven’t yet, then I think, what does it matter? I saw them the other day and will see them again soon, why am I going emotional over the fact they didn’t click ‘add’ on my profile so I can sit at my computer and click ‘Accept’ so I have a new person to watch add groups and become a fan of, say, Back Massages? WHY! It doesn’t make sense…. I’m a teenager by the way, and I couldn’t bear to delete FB, but I can’t bear to continue stalking people for their gossip all the time either, it is unconscious stalking, you don’t realise you’re doing it, and you feel all of these stupid, pointless emotions attached to every little thing you pointlessly view on your newsfeed, I don’t understand! It literally is GOSSIPBOOK. It’s unhealthy I think. You find so much out on there, pointless and the opposite. You become accustomed to following other peoples’ life stories, like an electronic stalker! How creepy is that. Stupid site:) I’ll use it less.
April 20, 2010 at 11:48 pm
Ha, I can relate! I committed Facebook Suicide last week … and I was only 6 months old. FB’s latest proposed privacy “enhancements” were the final straw.
Wake up Sheeple! FB isn’t free — they have 40,000 servers to maintain, who do you think pays for all of that. You do, by giving up your privacy!
Strangely, I wasn’t connected to any REAL friends through FB, although some have FB accounts. It’s as if we knew deep down it would cheapen our REAL friendship.
May 3, 2010 at 1:49 am
So true. I just deleted my profile last month–I just couldn’t be a part of it any more. Facebook is mindless group-think at its worst, The funny thing is, and this is evident even by looking at the comments on this page, that everyone knows how terrible facebook is and yet very few people actually have the balls to just leave. You always hear the excuses too – “Oh, I only use it for staying in touch with people I don’t see.” or “I hate facebook, but all my friends are on it.” Bullshit. If you’re actually friends with any of these people, you’ll stay in touch with them through other, less mind-numbing means. In my opinion, If you have a facebook profile, you are absolutely part of the problem. It saddens me to think that this is the direction social interaction is going.
June 3, 2010 at 11:45 pm
notice how you despise facebook and left it, but you have a comments section at the end of the article that is vaguely like it.
You went from one text entry field to another, it’s just that this one is on your .com.
I do, however, like the article, and agree with the underlying premise.
also, I am about to eat.
I am not in a relationship.
See my profile for pics of my Christian toplessness.
You have 12 points, sign up now to get more points.
I need a muppet for my Muppet Kingdom.
Puppies are cute.
August 5, 2010 at 9:22 pm
Your spot on.
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September 1, 2010 at 7:04 am
Facebook is like a train wreck. It’s horrific and destructive but you just can’t look away.
Thanks to your post, you have inspired me to cleanse my Facebook contact list of inessential and unnecessary friendships. This will make my life much simpler.
October 11, 2010 at 2:58 pm
I cancelled my account yesterday, after four years!!!
good bye facebook!
October 18, 2010 at 11:58 pm
what upsets me about facebook is ,there is always something wrong, then u have to read 100 ways on how to fix it , my facebook chat has not worked in a month now , now there is 100 ways to fix it , im lucky if i pick the right one , its still not working
September 9, 2011 at 7:59 pm
Great article. Boycott facebook!
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October 31, 2011 at 1:01 pm
I found your post through a link you left on richardflynn.net. And I’m glad I idly clicked on it, because this was hilarious. You’re very funny.
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