Emily Saidel and I debated the usefulness of the short-lived iPhone Baby Shaker App. in this week’s Perpetual Post. Catch her side here.
Just when I thought the iPhone had come out with an application that would be useful to me in everyday life, it was cruelly rescinded!
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy playing Snood and making my iPhone look like a frosty mug of beer as much as the next person, but when it comes to spending $3.99, I’d just as soon purchase an application which teaches me a lesson that will really enrich my life—and leave it filled with babies. Alive babies.
So, it turns out you’re not supposed to vigorously shake an infant. Who’s supposed to teach me that, now that my iPhone is no longer permitted to? From what source am I to glean the knowledge that a rapid back-and-forth jerky motion causes X’s to appear over the eyes of a newborn? Do I pick that kind of information up on a street corner? At the local library? In school—a daycare, perhaps?
Videogames have long educated me on the ways of the world. From them I have learned that jumping on a giant mushroom with eyes and squashing it will keep me safe. I have discovered that shooting a dragon in the face with a crossbow rewards me with extra life and energy points. And I was on my way to learning what happens when you briskly shake an infant—but that knowledge has been unfairly ripped away. I vaguely believe that the results were bad, but I’m not completely sure anymore. How is this my fault?
Apple, return the Baby Shaker App to its rightful place in my iPhone. Some of us really need it.
I Heard Tell 