It’s time for our first installment of the award-winning syndicated column, Ask a Spambot!

Dear Spambot,

My husband just told me that my mother-in-law is coming to stay with us for the weekend—and she arrives tomorrow! I’d like to say that this is the first time this has happened—but it sure isn’t. How can I make him understand that I need a little more notice than this for a visit of that length?

-Mothered in Miami

Dear Mothered,
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Dear Spambot,
What is an appropriate gift to bring to a wedding shower when you’re already spending tons of money to attend the wedding and buy a nice wedding gift?  I love my friend who’s getting married, but I’m not made of money here!

-Broke in Biloxi

Dear Broke,
I never would have believed it but my friend Charyl is making $5,293 in a month working from home,!!  If friends ask opportunity, tell them for send bank info direct teposit form ~~*  THank You Remy

Dear Spambot,
Bathing suit season is coming up, and my body is definitely not beach-ready.  Do you have any suggestions for quick, effective weight-loss?

Heavy in Hartford

Dear Heavy,

New slim-plan goji-berry weight loss fast and Easy!  Try your doctor doesn’t want you to know about—most effective fat burn of all.  Burn calories with weight loss pill reviews ~~Naturally~~

Dear Spambot,
Where can I purchase inexpensive replica watches?  I would like the kind that looks like a real brand-name watch.

Signed,
Timeless in Trenton

Dear Timeless,
Although I could recommend several sites where you could find them quite easily, I do not think that inexpensive replica watches are the solution to your problem.  There is a profound sadness behind your question that it is impossible to ignore. What’s going on with you, Timeless?  I can tell you are hurting.  Deep down, something is making you feel the need to hide behind expensive-looking accessories– but that’s not who you are.  I think you need to figure out how to take care of yourself on the inside before you worry about the outside.  Dig deep, Timeless.  Ask the hard questions.  And remember, Spambot cares about you, wherever you are.

Dear Spambot,

My roommate recently adopted a cat without asking me– and I’m terribly allergic! She’s told me that there’s no way she’s getting rid of him.  I’ve asked her to move out, but what if she won’t?

Signed,
Sneezing in Syracuse

Dear Sneezing,
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