Humor and Satire– Shmatire!

Tag Archives: Insanity

I’m famous!  The Wikipedia mentions me in this entry about the HMS Edinburgh:

“The cruiser’s second salvo straddled the Schoemann and disabled her severely enough that her crew scuttled her.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Next stop, Hollywood!


[Subtitle: Molly Might Need to be on Clozapine]

Sharp Cheddar: Is fun to have around but sometimes hits a little too close to the mark with her jokes. Zesty.

Mild Cheddar: Bland, but dependable. She’s who you’d call if you wanted someone to see 27 Dresses with; if you actually want to see 27 Dresses. I do not.

Monterey Jack: Is that guy you are always trying to set friends up with, but it never pans out. He’s too nice or something. Or he sweats a lot, and tells meandering stories. Either or. Somehow off.

Swiss: This guy’s got a nutty flair, and an exotic European edge. But there’s something you don’t trust. Sometimes you feel like you can see right through him.

Things They Should Have, Addendum:

Bullion Sport! For when you crave that meaty taste and need that extra boost of sodium. Available in Chicken and Beef flavors.

Maybe my list of Things They Should Have ought to become a list of ‘Things That Should Have a Sport! Version”.

Products I think they should make:

SportPeeps: For when you need that extra burst of energy and fat. With sugar sweatbands around their little peepy heads.

Caffienated Scotch: Because regular scotch makes you sleepy in the mornings, and regular coffee makes you sober.

That about covers it for now.

Speaking of past jobs, I made this picture back when my job was writing descriptions of cables for sale on a website. By which I mean, my job was “tweaking cable images in photoshop and making them look like faces that said weird things, in order to keep myself from jumping down an elevator shaft”.

At least I have had one job in which I was living up to my full potential.

I rediscovered this from my days as a Customer Service Rep for an internet company.

“One quote
Two quotes
Three quotes
Four quotes

I do not like making more quotes.

Can you fax it to my mom?
Do you people ship to Guam?
Would you, could you, ship it faster?
Would you, could you, add the casters?

I do not like to ship three day.

I cannot do it anyway.

One box
Two box
Sliced box
Diced box

You refused this damaged-twice box?

Did your brand new table splinter?
Did you order this last winter?
Did you tell us ‘pack it well’?
It’s got a snowball’s chance in Hell.”

Today at a restaurant in Kennebunk, Maine, a waiter told my father he looks like Matt Damon in a dirty glass.

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