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It’s going to be like watching Dr. Bunsen Honeydew debate with Beaker!

I wasn’t going to get up early this morning.  I figured I’d sleep in, since it was the weekend.  Plus I’d gotten to bed late the night before.  Ahem. 

What got me out of bed in an instant was the realization that I could watch the Sunday morning news shows.

This is becoming a sickness.  I can’t keep doing this to myself!  I am obsessed with news coverage of the presidential race.  I compulsively scan the internet for more damning information about Sarah Palin.  (Granted, the hits DO keep on coming.  Good job allowing Wasilla to charge rape victims for forensic kits when you were mayor, Palin!  Apparently you actually said “Yes please wait maybe not thanks but no thanks for the bridge to nowhere.”) 

Still.  I need to cut back before I lose my mind.  The whole thing is like a rash that I can’t leave alone.  If I’d only stop scratching it, it would heal a little.  But I can’t!  It’s so itchy and hurty! 

And looking at the polls right now makes me break out in hives.  I need to hibernate until Nov. 2nd.  With one day of wakefulness during which I vote.  Who’s with me?

Have you heard the one about the McCain/Palin ticket?

Q: What’s the difference between a Vice Presidential Candidate and a Hockey Mom?

A: ::: Scream of despair:::

While I respect Governor Palin’s decision to give birth to a disabled child, I don’t think she should have let him write her Vice Presidential acceptance speech.

It’s so wonderful and momentous to be able to cast my vote for a woman in the presidential election!  I was all set to vote for Hillary earlier on in the race, and then that chance was taken away from me.  As a woman, I wasn’t sure what to do.  I really wanted to vote for someone who shares my gender—men have always gotten to do that!  I thought it was finally my turn!

Now that John McCain has chosen Sarah Palin as his running mate, I know who I am going to support.  A woman, like me!  And she’s a former beauty queen!  I’m glad Sarah knows that looking beautiful is another important way for a woman to achieve recognition.  She had such a lovely up-do at their press conference— no wonder John McCain could hardly meet her eyes!  He was probably nervous being around such a pretty lady.  Plus, I don’t think they’ve spent very much time together yet, so I can understand him feeling a bit shy.  I’m sure she’ll do what she can to make him feel comfortable with her.

Since she’s a former “hockey mom”, I am glad I can rely on Ms. Palin to be sensitive to the challenges faced by hundreds of hockey moms every day.  Rising uniform prices have burdened families who have children who play hockey.  It’s time we tackle the issues that are truly important to the American people.  It makes me feel good knowing that Sarah Palin is sure to address my growing concerns—with the economy, health care, and rising unemployment—since we are both women.

Lastly, I am thrilled that the future vice president knows how to balance having a family with having a career.  Not just any woman would answer an unexpected call to join the race for the presidency four months after giving birth.  Never mind the disabled, premature new baby Sarah—America needs you more!  Thanks for reminding me again of the importance of family values.

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