Took a trip to Family Dollar today.  I will not deny that close proximity to a Dollar Store is a deciding factor when I look for a place to live.  For real.  I love dollar stores.  They make me feel all warm and cheapy inside.  Why buy juice for $3.69 at a reputable grocery store when you can get Happeez Brand Liquid Fruit-like Drink for $2 at the dollar store?  Why indeed.

They’re a good place to stock up on cheap, disposable home goods as well, for those folks in transition who’ve found an apartment but lack a job– and a dish rack, and a bath mat.  Family Dollar will sell you a $1 shower curtain made of the lightest gauzy whisper of faerie wings and clouds; one that becomes airborne and billows to the ceiling, or wraps itself around your soaped up showering form at the slightest hint of a breeze.  If that doesn’t give you the impetus to start job-hunting so you can afford a nice $12 dollar shower curtain that obeys gravity, nothing will.

I do have my limits though.  I was dismayed to learn that the Family Dollar near my first apartment in Boston carried a Family Dollar Brand Pregnancy Test– a bargain at $3 a pop.  (No pun intended.  Ew!)  Anyhoo, I would not trust a $3 pregnancy test not to do one or both of the following:

a) actually MAKE me pregnant or

b) then give me a crazy bat baby.

“Mom, where did I come from?”

“The Dollar Store.”

Nobody wants to have that exchange.  Some items are best purchased at your local CVS.

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