Akie and I discussed Alan Grayson’s telling Dick Cheney to “STFU” in today’s Perpetual Post.
Can Dick Cheney morph into liquid form and slither under doors and into our homes at night? Can he suck the souls of his victims out through their mouths, Dementor-style? Is there a reason to be afraid of him that I don’t yet understand? Because where others see a respected political figure who tells it like it is, all I see is an angry, cantankerous old man who used to wield enormous power and now wields enormous bitterness. He’s Walter Matthau’s evil twin; a Ralph Steadman portrait of a malevolent old grouch come to life.
Granted, Dick Cheney IS a little scary. He’s got the piercing death stare down—and he’s perfected the twisted, grimacing smirk of someone who would enjoy watching you march to the gallows. Apparently he’s also writing a book, which is sure to be an even fouler Necronomicon than ‘Going Rogue’. When you open that book, spirits will drift from the pages moaning ‘eeeeevil’. (Unlike the spirits which drift from Palin’s book, which simply wink and say ‘youuu betchaaa’.)
But he shouldn’t be scary! Not anymore! What he SHOULD be is out of the public’s eye. Why, now that he’s no longer directly involved in politics, does Cheney feel the need to pop up in every corner of the news like a bald, sneering whack-a-mole to make dire predictions and offer scathing, hate-filled words of warning to the current administration? There’s enough vindictiveness and negative energy in Washington without our former Vice President telling everyone that our current president is ‘projecting weakness to America’s enemies’. You know what I want to tell someone who goes around badmouthing the current administration, when he and his cronies left the country to them in the worst shape in decades? I want to tell them to Shut the F*** Up.
And someone finally did! Alan Grayson! And he wasn’t vaporized into a million pieces! His entire family was not found dead in their beds the next morning! Hopefully this is only the beginning of Dick Cheney being told to shut the f*** up in myriad ways by multiple people. I’m betting that there are plenty of others who have long wanted to tell him the same thing, but weren’t sure exactly how to. And maybe now they have an idea! So thank you, Alan Grayson, for telling Dick Cheney what he should be told every time he opens his ugly mouth. As Cheney himself once told Senator Leahy on the senate floor, “Go f*** yourself”! No, Cheney—YOU go F*** yourself! See—it feels good! Everybody try it!
The all-new FOX summer line-up includes the highly-anticipated reality talent show, “So You Think You Can Torture?” Watch as world-class interrogators compete against one another (and terror) in the rising field of intelligence-gathering. A panel of celebrity judges– with guest appearances by Dick Cheney and Mohammed Al-Qahtani– will award contestants points for style, results, and creative interpretation of the Army field manual. Each week a new loser will be eliminated by audience vote (voters must be legal US citizens) and handed a copy of the Geneva Conventions. The grand prize winner receives a retroactive pardon from former President Bush. (Pardon not valid in some states).