Humor and Satire– Shmatire!

Tag Archives: Thanksgiving

I’ve got a piece up on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency today!

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Pumpkin Cheesecake? Check. Cranberry-Pecan Upside Down Cake? Check. Slightly inflated self-esteem from my sophisticated Thanksgiving dessert repertoire? Check.

Let’s just hope they travel well. We’ve got a 90 minute drive tomorrow with a big hairy dog.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

-Molly

PS: email me if you want either recipe, they both turned out very tasty!


Just in time for Thanksgiving, the Perpetual Post plays host to a truly EPIC discussion of the ultimate battle between Pie and Cake. And we’ve got some strong opinions. Below is my pro-cake argument, but don’t miss the equally compelling arguments for pie, cheesecake, ice cream, and an amazing anti-cupcake rant you have to read to believe. Find it all here!

I bristle when someone says that I don’t appreciate pie just because I haven’t had a good pie.  It’s the same feeling I get when I’m being told by a sleazy co-worker to ‘relax’, because that’s why I’m not enjoying the unwanted backrub he’s giving me.   Don’t sneeze on my arm and tell me it’s raining.  I know what good pie is, and I know what good cake is, and I know that good cake is better than good pie any damn day.
Look, I’m not going to say that I dislike pie.  I enjoy pie!  Pie is adequately delicious.  I appreciate the fact that pie can be eaten when still warm from the oven, whereas cake generally needs to cool before it can be frosted and consumed.  A piping hot piece of pie with a scoop of ice cream on the side is delightful, and if you put it in front of me, I will eat it.  But if you put a piece of pie and a piece of cake in front of me, I will put the plate of cake on top of the plate of pie to get it ergonomically closer to my mouth while I eat it, and then wander off in search of more cake.  Why?  Because cake is a treat.  You never know when you’re going to have cake, and you never know when your next cake might be around the corner!  Cake is a celebration food, while pie is a signal that the meal is almost over, because hey, suddenly you’re eating pie, and don’t you wish it were cake?
I will reluctantly acknowledge that there is perhaps an unfair stigma attached to sub-par cake, as I think it is encountered much more often than lousy pie.  This is because too many of us have been subjected to tasteless, uninspired store-bought cakes at gatherings.  Office birthday parties, bake sales, baby showers—there are far too many types of events where people no longer take the time to bake a true Cake, and instead pick one up at the Food Lion on their way.    With their garish colors, overly-sweet icing and chemical taste, these cakes are not worthy of the name; they should be called something else.  Kakes, perhaps, or Fakes.   Because store-bought pies are even more terrible than store-bought cakes, the pies you encounter are more likely to be to be homemade—or at least, bakery-made, which means that their quality of ingredients will be higher, and you can taste the love baked into their sufficient crusts.
But oh, should you be lucky enough to stumble across a real, home-baked cake that has been made from scratch, mark my words, you will join me on team cake.


It’s 4am the morning after Thanksgiving.  Your system is still processing copious amounts of sausage stuffing and green bean casserole.  You are what you eat, and right now you are 85% turkey and cranberry relish.  Or Lean Cuisine and despair.  Or Pinot Grigio and paralyzing rage at your insane family.

In any event, to me the idea of getting out of bed and hitting an outlet store at some dark, unGodly hour of the morning after Thanksgiving is extremely unappealing, no matter how many things are 40% off with limited stock.  Is the idea supposed to be that you’ve just given thanks for everything you are lucky enough to have– now it’s time to go buy whatever stuff you’re missing?

Apparently people have been lining up outside of department stores FOR DAYS waiting for these sales.  If I were a cult leader looking for a fanatical following of people who desperately need something to live for, I would feel like a kid in a candy store, if lonely people were candy.  (They would probably be Mary Jane candies.  Remember those retro-looking candies that elderly people gave out on Halloween?  If you go to the Mary Jane  website, it is full of stories of children who grew up extremely poor in rural America and once a year they got to eat Mary Jane candies.  And that was their best childhood memory.  Um…I’m sorry I went to that website.)

Ahem.  I suppose my basic point is, I hate getting up early, particularly the day after eating my body weight in home cooking, and drinking until I enjoy togetherness.  I also don’t have the money to go shopping right now, so 40% off doesn’t help me much, unless it makes something Free.  And I’m not great at math, but I’m pretty sure that is not within the realm of possibility.  Also, if anything were free, it was probably snapped up by someone who’s been camping outside Best Buy for a solid week.  And I don’t begrudge it to them, because they probably need it more than I do.



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